IDGAF

A close friend told me recently that she always admired the fact that I didn’t seem to care what anyone thought of me, I just did what I wanted and that was that. To an extent, she’s correct. Though, in recent years I lost sight of my bull-headed confidence. I questioned my actions and asked myself the dreaded question: Will people like me if I do this?

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An Honest Look at Myself

I subbed for the first time since my internship, and damn, it was rough as hell. I think I took for granted my relationship with the children at the school I interned at, since they were used to me and sort of behaved better when I was around. This school was new to me, and the children did not know me. And well, it was awful.

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In the wake of the near nervous state I was in after this rough day (kindergarteners can break you, shockingly), I simply lost it when I received an unwarranted snapchat from someone. It was a picture of a particular celebrity who is not renowned for her looks or personality, and who I find quite off-putting. My self-esteem has been fragile lately, and this simply did not help- especially since in no world is being equated to this particular celebrity an actual compliment. (more…)

Call to Adventure

I am the hero of my own story. Everyone is the hero of their own story, no matter how terrible a person they might be.

In the archetypal hero’s journey the hero begins in the ordinary world, the average day-to-day minutia where the hero has been living uncomfortably thus far. The hero feels a desire either to leave or a simple lack of belonging.

The next step is the Call to Adventure.

Something shakes up the situation, either from external pressures or from something rising up from deep within, so the hero must face the beginnings of change.

2016 was my call to adventure.

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Anger isn’t always negative

All the drama aside, I was discussing with one of my friends how I am usually most motivated when I’m angry. He told me that probably wasn’t healthy.

It probably isn’t.

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However, I’ve found in my case that my anger often buoys a certain sense of empowerment and it actually helps me accomplish certain things I have been procrastinating. It also makes me braver and less afraid of failure. So really, is anger always negative? (more…)

Et tu, Brute?

You know you’re history obsessed when your natural reaction to being stabbed in the back by a “friend” is to compare yourself to Caesar on the Senate floor. Or does that just make you a drama queen?

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I’m pretty sure anyone who has ever been in this situation can agree: being stabbed in the back is one of the worst feelings ever. I mean that both metaphorically and literally, though I am making an educated guess at the latter. (more…)

2017 is “going well so far”

Today my friend informed me that he felt “2017 is going really well so far”. Granted, three days in and for him I suppose it is. I, however, beg to differ based on the political atmosphere of our country and on a more petty level… the state of my life.

Granted, I suppose I feel this way every year. Why would this be any different?

I just found out that my friend who I’d been heavily crushing on asked out my other friend… who he also knew I liked. It’s like a messed up love triangle that is pretty much just a “V” shape with some one-sided arrows. I mean, he made it clear he didn’t like me- but he didn’t even give me a week to recover before asking out my friend- who has been my girl-crush since college- who he knew I liked. (Sounds like an episode of Degrassi…)

OK, OK… I understand he doesn’t owe me anything. I just found the whole thing awfully shady and not… nice?

Though, I suppose I’m projecting many of my other issues onto this stupid situation. It’s a new year so it’s time to wash my hands of this. And what’s a better way then writing about my feelings and making a bunch of goals I know will lose steam halfway through January? (more…)