A Lifetime Ago

The last time I posted in this blog seems like an actual lifetime ago. I genuinely feel as if I’ve lived a lifetime since that last post, since so much has changed in only a few months.

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Where do I even begin? I genuinely have no idea. I’m going to have to make headers to organize the major changes that have occurred in the month of April.

I might have job leads… in Florida.

I grew up in Florida (Gulf Coast girl) and I’ve been itching to get back there. Austin, Texas is more preferable but I actually know people in Florida. I’ve got family friends in Bradenton, a friend in Fort Myers, my sorority twin in Orlando and… my ex in Vero Beach. He gets his own header because it’s a hot mess.

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God, I love this show too much.

I heard from a principal at a rural (and I mean rural) school in the middle of Florida. I have no idea where I would live (it’s an hour from Fort Myers on one side, an hour from West Palm Beach on the other… apartments in both are pricey and the commute is not ideal). I guess I’m jumping the gun. The school is tough, I have a feeling there’s a lot of behavior problems (yay…).

I’m going to try and get down there to visit the school and a few other districts I applied to in May.

I was on the ketogenic diet and lost ten pounds.

But I couldn’t sustain it, and I’ve gone back to eating carbs. The past two weeks have been me eating my feelings, frankly, and I’m committing to clean eating starting Monday. I don’t want to say I’m going Paleo or anything, but my goal is to just eat the least processed foods possible (except for dairy) and just watch what I eat.

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Linda is hands-down my favorite character on the show.

Keto is great for people with big bank accounts and serious will-power, because getting through the keto flu was the worst and the amount of $$ I spent on meat for the diet was ridiculous. It’s got great results, however, and I’ll probably do it the two weeks before I go to the BVI just so I can look good in a swim suit.

Gaining back water-weight aside, I have found confidence. I feel attractive. So my body isn’t perfect, who cares? I’ve been taking care of my face, got some high quality make up and I’ve just been working hard at looking good.

I quit the boxing gym.

I loved the workouts… all of it. The reason I quit is more related to a matter of poor choices on my part and a very aggressive instructor, who I made the mistake of getting involved with. He was older, educated and I liked the attention. Essentially things escalated way out of control, and I genuinely don’t feel comfortable going there anymore. So as much as it stinks, I’ve got to go back to boring work outs.

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I reached out to my ex.

We hadn’t spoken in… six years? I think six. A long time has passed. He was the only ex boyfriend I never fully hated post-breakup, and pretty much the only one who I genuinely wanted the best for. He was a wild hurricane, absolutely insane- a risk-taking skater boy against my more cautious prissy nerd self. We were largely opposites in many ways, but managed to get along really well despite all that.

He’s probably the only person I truly ever loved (romantically). The fallout from our breakup took me forever to recover from (though there were many other things going on that delayed the healing process). I decided to stop talking to him a year after we broke up, since frankly it wasn’t good for either of us and I needed to move on. That was 2011.

I’d creep on him every now and again over the years, but mostly let it lie since I was convinced I’d never be able to reopen the wound. He also had some girlfriend for a few years time and I didn’t want to deal with that. I mostly just wanted to make sure he hadn’t died from doing something stupid/reckless.

After the drama with the gym instructor (which I will not go into), I decided to distract myself with reaching out to this ex. I’d been meaning to, especially since after everything I finally developed enough awareness of his flaws and was no longer blinded by affection. I followed him on instagram and not even a few hours later, he’d messaged me on the app. Conversation was awkward at first (how do you summarize 6 years?), but things quickly got familiar and goofy.

His goofiness was one of the main things that I loved about him. His humor is insane and hilarious. And he’s surprisingly witty… at least for someone who also acts like a complete idiot.

But he’s such a bleeding heart (like… seriously emo at times) and has a compulsive need to one-up everything I say. It’s like damn, I get that my life isn’t as wild/exciting but let me have some of my stories without telling one that’s even more ridiculous.

Crap, I’ve written way more about him than I intended to. I’m cutting myself off.

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I’ve been subbing a lot.

In easier districts (AKA better behaved/suburban). I know it’s bad to give up on the urban kids, but if I’m just subbing I’m not putting myself through that. I’ll work full-time in an urban district (and give the kids every ounce of my attention), but not subbing.

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That awful friend who betrayed me?

No longer friends. Long story short: he blamed me for a poor choice that he made (aka listening to my foolish advice when I’d had a drink or two). He called me “malicious” and that I had a “pattern of behavior” which led him to believe I was playing games. Well so does he, so frankly I don’t care. He’s just as foul as I am. It’s been weeks and I genuinely forgot all about it (granted, I’ve had a lot of other things on my mind).

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That’s the bulk of it.

I’ve started planting seedlings for a garden I’m starting? Cucumbers grow very fast. Anyway, I’ll leave with my favorite Linda gif:

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