All the drama aside, I was discussing with one of my friends how I am usually most motivated when I’m angry. He told me that probably wasn’t healthy.
It probably isn’t.
However, I’ve found in my case that my anger often buoys a certain sense of empowerment and it actually helps me accomplish certain things I have been procrastinating. It also makes me braver and less afraid of failure. So really, is anger always negative?
According to various blogs and research that angry people are actually more optimistic and take more risks, as opposed to fearful people who take less. Given my general anxiety, I’m normally in the latter category. This is why I find my anger tends to help me, if anything.
When I was in my sophomore year of college, I resented living at home (after a year abroad that left me a wreck), and upon this anger I applied to go on a ship in the Great Lakes in May, spend my summer at an away camp as a counselor and finally get into the main campus of my university. Due to the friction with my mother and living at home, I channeled that anger into getting all those things done. And I did.
I also had the best summer of my life.
I’m lazy by nature. I tend to err towards the path of ease and convenience. It takes a strong emotional stimulus to motivate me. I can’t be motivated on pure reason, unfortunately.
Anger fuels me, it reminds me of an injustice that I must fight. Does that mean I am constantly in a seething rage? No, of course not. But there is a fire, a knowledge that I cannot give up. Despite being lazy, I am competitive. Once I’ve set a goal, I do try to finish it- even if it takes a long time, and I lose hope at times.
Despite being grumpy as all hell, I am not a pessimist by nature. I always hope for better, I think the future will be great. I’m even holding out hope that Trump won’t be as horrible as he seems (though this particular hope is hanging by a hair and I’m still mourning Bernie’s campaign).
Basically it boils down to what’s making me angry:
I’m tired of being over looked. I’m over caring about people who do not value the same things I do. I’m done with being shy. This is my damn time.