You know you’re history obsessed when your natural reaction to being stabbed in the back by a “friend” is to compare yourself to Caesar on the Senate floor. Or does that just make you a drama queen?
I’m pretty sure anyone who has ever been in this situation can agree: being stabbed in the back is one of the worst feelings ever. I mean that both metaphorically and literally, though I am making an educated guess at the latter.
I alluded to it in my previous post, though I suppose I might divulge several more details:
Since college (arguably earlier, let’s be real) I have questioned my sexuality. I know I love men (despite how utterly terrible they can be), but I noticed that I wasn’t 100% on the male train. (That is possibly the most awkward way to describe it.)
That being said, I found myself in a quandary recently. Since college, I admitted to myself that I liked girls… not many, but some. Specifically, I liked my closest friend at the time- a complete introvert, who after years of talking was beginning to open up. I couldn’t- and still can’t- distinguish the feelings I have. Are they simply just friendship? Is there something more?
Anyway, those feelings have come to a head in recent months and I have been struggling with how to proceed. Do I just tell her? Do I just keep it on the inside? It’s been a crisis… a low-key crisis.
I, as I always do, sought out the advice of my friends. Namely a certain friend, who I (annoyingly) also had stupid feelings for, who knew of my deep struggle. With him, however, I knew where we stood. He ain’t into me. Fine, I understand.
However, I do not understand that shortly after meeting the girl I’ve been lamenting over for so long, he goes and asks her out. In the most shady way possible too- she didn’t even realize it was a date until she asked if I was coming, and he told her no (he wanted it to be just her).
WHO DOES THAT?
She’s not even into him- at all! She thought a group was going to this concert, and now she’s stuck- arguably feeling guilty since she thinks I’m upset over him. But no, I am not upset because he likes her over me. I’m not even upset that he asked her at all (she’s hot!).
I’m upset that he knew how I felt, he knew how much I was struggling and without even warning/consulting me just went and asked her out.
That’s shady as hell.
I don’t tolerate that crap.
Release the dragons.
And by release the dragons, I simply mean that he is dead to me until he decides to fess up and GROVEL AT MY FEET. Or a simple apology will do. But we will never be the same, it’s hard to forget a scar.